Words [almost] fail me.

I just wrote out an entire blog post, but I hated it, so I'm trying again. That post was a redo from one I'd started maybe a week ago.

Rachel, one of the most lovely people I've ever met, and a South Korean ESL student living with us in the Lodge, just handed me a Mallo Cup. Thanks, Rachel!

I had one of the most encouraging days today. Our speaker for this week, Stephen Bell, was up past 3am this morning because God kept him awake as He spoke to him about our DTS. He handed me a letter of prophetic encouragement and really wonderful words from Jesus that made me cry. In my last attempted blog post, I got into that a bit more... but I'm not really feeling like defending my stance that it was the Word of God for me or explaining what it all was. Most of you are probably relieved :)

I really, really love God. At least, I'm starting to in a real way. It's awesome, in the original sense of the word, because just yesterday I was talking with God and I specifically asked Him, "God, help me fall in love with You." There's all this stuff in my head that can tell me 101 reasons why I should love God, maybe an 8-step outline for being closer to Him, and enough sermon archives to keep me pondering His works for ages - but as for the Person of God... I know this is so classic. I know this is so YWAM. I know this is so "every Christian's struggle." But this isn't something I want to be a struggle for me; knowing God isn't meant to be a struggle. Why do you think Jesus died?! He's the One who tore the veil. He's the One who reconciled us to God. Done.

Back to what I was saying, loving God is becoming a reality. He's winning my heart. It's not as if He has to do anything more than He's already done, with the whole sacrificing-His-Son-for-me thing. But He wants me to know Him, love Him, talk with Him and hear from Him, more than I want it all. And He gave a man I've never met a letter about my heart and His heart for me as for that sake. I asked. He can love even this divided heart.

That's all I really have to say. I deleted some more stuff that I'd said. Give me an email or FB message or... better yet... a REAL LIVE LETTER (!!) if you want to get a bit more/bit deeper from what's going on down here.

Love you all. Thank you so much for supporting me, regardless in what form (even if it's just by reading this blog post!), in my journey that got me down to little Chico, CA!

***Ahahahahahahahahahahahaha. An add-on, here: I was talking with Brittni, from my home church, the Abbotsford Vineyard, and she mentioned that church was "really good" yesterday. I said, "Oh, really? Awesome! I was praying for our church during church yesterday. Specifically I was praying for freedom in worship. What happened?" Man alive. They did sermon first, then worship, and worship went on and on and people were up front and just singing their hearts out and staying late. Lingering in the presence. Amen and amen. So cool that God set that on my heart to cover it in prayer. GOD IS SO GOOD.